If not for the miracle of a Resurrection, that hope and faith collided and became available immediate connection of a relationship. The power of God that delivered Jesus Christ from the cross and raised Him from the grave through the Holy Spirit, lives in me and you the hour you first believed. Therefore I can.
Although a difficult read for some, can bring reflection - there go I, but for the grace of God. You are not alone.
I woke early on this important day in May; my habits precede before my eyes opened, the sound of a bird song awakens my senses. My thoughts of thanksgiving move with ease toward my husband (who was working away). Today our firstborn grandson was turning three; we planned a celebration.
Morning tea together in the park. I had things to prepare to add to the occasion one last dash to the supermarket. I am alive! Feeling grateful.
Still lingering a little longer in my bed as my heartfelt awareness to my beloved, almost like a vision, imagined him leaning against the bathroom wall smiling at me,(like last time here at home) mouthing, "I love you." I closed my eyes and felt connected; I wanted to call, reached for my phone. Instead, tears flowed, surrendering, letting go, tugging that reached within my heart unexplained, past human reasoning, turned to prayer, where peace and contentment meet.
Fast forward to a short while later, standing in the aisle of the supermarket near the bread displayed, a neighbour happened to grab my attention. (A young boy, now a man with a beard.) We exchanged pleasantries that quickly turned into meaningful connections. Suddenly I am transfixed by the cross he is wearing, my thoughts straight toward my husband, as he has a cross identical and not so usual to see. I could not hear a sound; time stood completely still in a respectful pause with tingling through my whole body. Something I am very familiar with is a supernatural responding.
As I am heading home just five minutes to go, my heart forwarns me to explain, yet I choose to concentrate instead on my grandson, who I expected to see very soon at 10 am.
My daughters are meandering, making preparations.
Interrupted by a firm knocking at the front door, I wondered whether my eldest daughter changed her mind and decided to come here first. With anticipation to be welcoming opened the door, rather two officers stood before me, side by side, apprehension in their eyes. Still, I resounded, "Is this about the driving incident my daughter had reported"? Yet as my lips were moving, my heart was telling the truth.
The young policeman struggled with his words, asked if they could come in, sat down, began to speak as I helped him finish his sentence. I felt compassion, having to come to share such dreaded news to a stranger's home where mother and children resided. Who called my eldest? I can not rightly remember. We were in the twilight zone, no here, no there, in between, suspended. My husband, the father of my children, confirmed, suicide. The shocking reality for comprehending.
It was surreal, flying home in two weeks to be united with us. Our anticipation to meet and greet his welcoming home at the airport. Only a few days earlier, I received red roses with a card that read, sincerely, " My love, thank you for the best years of my life and being my bride. Love you heaps now and always, your's truly, David". My heart was in overflow to be united.
There I was observing, separated, detached, then present, managing, instructing, and in between requesting privacy. As the officers walked outside, I dropped to my knees to feel the ground and let out a guttural, primal sound. Is this happening? Are we all now crying? Now huddled together as one, silence prevailing as if breathing itself would escape each of us. Our thoughts are sobering when little ones arrive. We are numb.
My grandchildren, three and five at the time, arrive, in their innocence think, wow, grandma has gone all out and got for real, two police officers and police car for a birthday party.
Little children are pure in heart and so brilliant. I told them, Grandpa died today and was never coming home again as he is now in heaven. One day we will be reunited as now angels keep us from falling. We embraced where love resided and did not finish the birthday before it got started because we could still have some fun celebrating. This day was marked by birth, not death. (Yet one man's death upon a cross can instil much, so not to expire) We did what we have always done and do best: make necessary adjustments, being present—moment by moment, hour by hour, minute by minute—accepting, digesting, reflecting, surrendering, processing, me, parenting.
Every Thought My Choice is my daily mantra and has served me well for years. I am an optimal thinker and have chosen to be my choice throughout adversity, strengthened in faith and hope, a conscious effort insisted upon my mind. A more deliberate action transformed my mind's renewing as a continual expansion of growth, transparency. Rolling the stone away is acceptance, renewal, resurrecting a new attitude and new way of living, letting go of how we think it should be is living by faith and trust in the living God. Today we celebrate that Jesus Christ is alive and resurrected so we can live also. All that's been before or yet to come is teaching us.
Death and grief are swallowed up in victory.
Weeping endures for a night and joy comes in the morning. No matter how difficult your circumstance, let the shadow pass over you and reveal the light!
The world is harsh, confronting, many varied options enticing and manipulated for attention, always trying to steal from you. However, what has been planted is growth revealing grace, truth, love, and mercy, always within reach. Before you, beside you, carrying you, and waiting for you to decide.
To understand the reason I write and the reasoning of my heart is to know the truth.
I have many stories to tell and each one has divine intervention and protection. Once I was blind and now I see breathes life into me. To live a life of excellence is a choice to be happy, to be transformed by the renewing of your mind, promoted by the divine. Everyone whether they choose to admit it is seeking curiously to understand.
I'm a serious student of the Word of God, it is the foundation of who I am. Not perfect, yet perfectly positioned for correction in righteousness and truth. Working out my salvation with fear and trembling a work in progress, living, loving and learning for life. Getting it wrong and getting it right, doing my best and staying on the path. Under grace and favour, moving forward.
Every choice I make today and every day ultimately must have a purpose and is always making a difference. Accordingly, I choose to challenge, inspire, optimize, and revitalize my way of living. Accept what was taken away and what changed, and having faith in all that is possible. Today is Resurrection Sunday, a celebration of all that is available to discover the revelation of your purpose - You Are Alive! A celebration, a new day to respect and honour our legitimate birthright and remember those we love dearly who live on in each of us. Every act of kindness is inspired by a greater love that transforms lives.
Not religion, "relationship," and that's about the gist of it. Every Thought My Choice an opportunity to invest in principles that are important to me, to apply, to anyone who chooses to read a page or two will find it resonates and give space for mindful contemplation which let's agree is a needed commodity for wellbeing. In the Spirit it was written I trust you will receive it, with all the imperfections and contrast for applying if only one thing, it matters.
Why is it that the things we are truly meant to do, scare us the most? I am more private than public although in public I am not always quiet. I notice things that others may not and have the audacity to speak up or speak out authentically. Therefore whilst I am prompted I will deliver.
That's another extra glimpse of me.
Thank you as EVERY THOUGHT MY CHOICE, offers me time to be happy and share my truth with you, to change the way you think about things, with a fresh perspective.
Not everything is as it seems, therefore stay curious.
Love Julie
Remember. Relax, Dream Big!
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